


Talk Some Sense To Me

by StarEyesAndDiatribes



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Author is trans, Bisexual Eddie Diaz, Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Don't know if that'll be relevant but I've declared it, Dumbass boys being dumbass boys, Eddie is a mess but we love him, M/M, Miscommunication, Not Beta Read, Trans Evan "Buck" Buckley, Trans Lena Bosko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23293165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarEyesAndDiatribes/pseuds/StarEyesAndDiatribes
Summary: Buck doesn't know what to do. Eddie is avoiding him, and making it pretty clear that that he doesn't want Buck in his or Christopher's life anymore. He thought they'd fixed everything from the last year, but maybe he was wrong?or Eddie and Buck really need to work on their communication skills.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 44
Kudos: 530





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> The [text] is the English translation for Spanish. I don't know yet how much will be included and this feels like a better option than putting it in the notes!
> 
> I haven't even proof read this, and I'm not going to.

Buck was bored. Like, super bored. Like he’d already fully cleaned his apartment including dusting, rearranged his closet and pantry twice, and tried and failed to pick up a video game, but couldn’t get his brain to focus on it bored. 

He knew it was just that nothing was stimulating enough and he’d just have to push through it and figure something out blah blah blah but he was impatient. There had been a flood at the station, which itself wouldn’t have been too much of a problem, except the water had somehow gotten to the wiring and almost started a fire (and isn’t that ironic) and they found out that the wires in their whole building were starting to fray down. 

This meant the 118 had two-week vacation while they fixed it up. Sounded great in theory, horrible in practice. 

Buck had been fine the first few days. He had caught up on sleep, spent some time with Maddie, and fixed up his apartment where he hadn’t had the time over the past month. 

After that Maddie and Chim decoded they were gunna take their first real vacation together as a couple, and Buck had started practising recipes that Bobby had given him to varying degrees of success. 

Every day he thought about texting Eddie to see if he was available, but things had been… weird between them recently. 

Buck hadn’t been lying to Maddie when he said that he wasn’t really a guest in the Diaz household. Buck spent more time with Eddie and Chris than he did in his own apartment, which was a partial reason for the state it had been in. He’d gotten to the point where for a month straight he had only been stopping in to grab more clothes before he just went over there. 

Buck wasn’t sure what the change had been. He knew when it had happened, but not the reason. 

Buck had come over for movie night, Chris was really excited about Frozen 2 since they hadn’t had the chance to go see it in theatres, so Buck had stopped and bought it the day it came out. They had all watched the movie together and ate pizza, which, really Buck needed to stop feeding Chris so much pizza he knew it couldn’t be great for him, and after the movie they put Chris to bed. 

They’d had a couple of beers and both ended up passing out on the couch together. They’d ended up asleep like that a few different times, and when Buck woke up the next morning with his back pressed to Eddie and a crick in his neck from trying to fit two large men on a small surface he just rolled over and buried his face against his best friend to block out the rest of the sunlight. 

Eddie and Buck were both tactile people, and they had cuddled before, so Buck was pretty sure that wasn’t the problem. If it was, he trusted Eddie to tell him he was uncomfortable. 

But after that Eddie barely spoke to him when they finally got up and all throughout getting Chris fed and ready for school. He was looking a little red and Buck had asked him if he was feeling sick, but all he gave was a hurried out no before they went back to the weird silence. They both took their own vehicles to work, since Buck worked a longer shift that night, but even at the station Eddie barely looked at him, let alone talked to him. 

They worked in sync as always, and Eddie still sat next to him during meals, but they weren’t pressed together as close, and Eddie still looked like he’d rather be anywhere than where he was at. 

Buck felt hurt, but he figured giving Eddie his space to work through whatever was bothering him was the best option. They had made a deal to communicate better after the whole street fighting/lawsuit incident, so Buck could give Eddie time. 

But giving Eddie time started out as a few days and turned into nearly a month of almost no contact. 

Buck had kept in contact with Christopher, FaceTiming him whenever their schedules lined up, but the last text Buck had sent as an olive branch had been shot down quickly. 

_ Wanna bring Chris over this weekend? Promise I’ll feed you something other than pizza. _

_Can’t. Sorry._

So Buck was feeling a little lonely and a little stir crazy. He couldn’t bother Bobby, he was with Michael and Athena spending the time they had left together and he didn’t want to interrupt that. He had thought about going and bothering Hen and Karen, maybe seeing if they wanted someone to babysit Denny and Nia so they could have a little them-time, but they were loving having family-time too much.

Buck thought maybe that was his biggest problem. All of his family had their own little families they could go back too. For a while he had forgotten that Eddie and Christopher weren’t his. Not the way he was theirs. They had each other no matter what, and he was just lucky enough to be a witness to it sometimes.

Buck wanted to leave the house, but he really didn’t know what he could do. He hadn’t been to a bar since the last group karaoke night, and nothing else around his place really seemed like fun. Except Buck was trying really hard to not turn back to Buck 1.0, and part of that pact with himself included not going to bar alone because he still wasn’t in a place where he could trust himself that much.

Buck was splayed across his couch, contemplating taking a second nap that day when his phone started buzzing. He leaped at the device, not checking the ID on the incoming FaceTime before accepting.

“Bucky!”

Buck felt his own face nearly split open as he smiled. Christopher’s excited face was all he needed to immediately brighten his mood.

“Hey, Superman! What’re you up to?” The whole screen was just filled up with his own face, so Buck couldn’t see his surroundings.

“I just got home from school. I wanted to tell you about my day before I went to abuela’s.”

“Alright, lay it on me, bud. What’d you do today?”

Chris spent the next half-hour telling Buck everything he could remember. That was one thing Buck loved about talking to Chris, everything was so important to him that he didn’t want to leave anything out.

“And we have parent-teacher conferences next week and Ms. Vinnie said she’d hope to see you again soon. Can you come? Please?”

Buck tried to smother his laughter while he nodded. Ms. Vinnie was Chris’s art teacher, and she was possibly the funniest teacher in that school. At the last conference, Buck had driven Chris there and stayed with him while they waited for Eddie to get off work and he had spent a significant amount of time with her joking about the PTA moms being a little too catty at the snack table. Her wife, Ms. Julie was his science teacher the year before.

“Of course, Chris. What d-“

“Chris. ¿Con quién estás hablando?”

[Who are you talking to?]

Buck heard Eddie’s voice and tensed up, but tried to keep his face the same as it had been talking to Chris. He knew he shouldn’t be playing it off like nothing was happening, but he wasn’t about to bring it up when his son was right there.

“It’s Buck! I was telling him about the parent-teacher conference next week.”

Buck saw Chris tilt the camera so Eddie was in full view, and he didn’t miss the panicked expression on his face.

Buck felt his own face fall, but quickly tried to right it as Chris came back into view.

“Ah, Chris I told you not to bother Buck about that.”

Chris shook his head, “No it’s fine! Buck already said he’d go.”

“Oh…”

Something twisted in Buck’s chest as he realised that Eddie didn’t _want_ him to go.

Buck quickly cleared his throat before he could start crying and smiled at Chris, “I’ll, um, I’ll let you go, Chris. Make sure to get your homework done, okay?”

Chris nodded his head, “I will. Love you, Buck.”

“Love you too, bud.”

Buck quickly hung up the phone and let himself cry for a few minutes.

He didn’t know what he had done. Had he messed up with Chris somehow? Was he too lenient? Did Eddie think Buck was a bad influence? Or had Eddie finally realised what Buck had known since the tsunami? That Buck wasn’t good enough to be around the small family. That he couldn’t be trusted with him. He thought he had been getting better, but Buck must have been way off.

Buck wiped the tears from his face and sat up, pocketing his phone and grabbing his keys.

He needed a drink.

…

Buck ended up at some random bar on the other side of town from everyone he knew. He didn’t feel like seeing any friendly faces at the moment, not that he thought he would with everyone enjoying their families.

Buck thought he had felt lonely before, but knowing that Eddie was actively wanting him out of their lives hurt worse than anything else. When he was younger, before he found the 118, he hadn’t had anyone. Hadn’t needed anyone he thought. This is what needing people had left him. Trying not to cry into his sixth- no seventh drink. He didn’t know, he had lost count.

Buck should be over at Eddie’s, begging him to let him fix whatever he’d done, to try and make up for… whatever it was that had led to Eddie deciding to push him out. But Buck was tired, maybe he’d try in the next few days, but it was more likely that him curled over the bar was proof enough for whatever Eddie thought about him.

Buck didn’t realise someone had slid next to him until he felt a hand on his arm.

It took a second for his eyes to focus on a face, and Buck just gave them a polite smile.

“Hey there, what’s a pretty thing like you doing looking sad all by yourself?”

Buck shrugged at the man. He was handsome. Tan skin, brown hair, and dark eyes. He had a good amount of scruff and Buck could see the muscles stretching his shirt even in the state he was in. He was exactly the kind of guy Buck 1.0 would’ve gone home with.

Yet again, it didn’t seem like Buck 2.0 was much better.

“Rough week.”

“Girlfriend troubles?”

Buck shook his head, “Not exactly.”

“Boyfriend troubles?” Buck could hear the hope in his voice.

“No boyfriend or girlfriend.” No anyone.

“Really? You would think someone as gorgeous as you would be batting them off.” Buck chuckled one and shrugged his shoulders.

The stranger slid in closer to Buck and held out his hand. “I’m Ryan, by the way.”

Buck shook his hand, “Buck.”

Buck ended up talking to Ryan for a while longer. He was nice, and even if he was obviously hoping to go home with Buck, he still acted like he cared about Buck. That was what eventually got Buck out of his seat and walking out with him.

Well, walking wasn’t exactly the best way to describe what he was doing. Ryan was slightly taller than him, so Buck was mostly stumbling while he held Buck up.

“I got us an Uber, you’re in no condition to drive.” Buck could only nod as they stood there, waiting. The cool air helped sober him up a little, and he hadn’t even realised his eyes had close until he felt Ryan touch the side of his face.

Buck opened them slightly to see Ryan leaning in, kissing him gently at first, and them more insistently when Buck didn’t protest.

Maybe this is who Buck was. He wasn’t made for a family or the commitments he wanted to make. He was good at this. At meaningless sex with strangers he met in seedy places.

Buck let himself sink into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Ryan’s neck and letting him push his body closer to the brick wall behind him. His body was now cushioned comfortably and the pressure against him felt nice. It had been a while since he’d done this, since he’d even felt the need to.

Buck hadn’t realised how much of his time was spent with Eddie and Chris, and how content that had made him until he was left without it.

Ryan’s hands slid down to Buck’s hips, squeezing them hard as he slid their hips together. His hands made their way under his shirt, feeling across Buck’s stomach, and Buck felt the other man groan in appreciation. Buck loved the feeling of being wanted, even if Ryan was going to ditch him once they were done at least Buck would have a few minutes when he _mattered_ to someone.

Ryan reached down, undoing his belt quickly and moving to unbutton his jeans. Buck took half a second to think if he had brought any protection with him and broke away to ask Ryan.

“Buckley?”

Buck whipped his head to the side, and he must have been drunker than he thought because his head was spinning at the quick motion.

It took too long for his eyes to piece together the face in front of him, and Buck wasn’t sure how he felt about who was standing there.

“Bosko?”

“Buckley, what’re you doing here, where’s Eddie?”

Buck shook his head and scowled at her, “Home probably.” He slurred out, his tongue heavy.

Lena raised her eyebrow at him and looked Ryan up and down.

“Does he know where you are?”

Buck couldn’t stop the scoff that escaped him, “Doesn’t care where I’m at anymore.”

“Um, sorry, Bosko was it? Does he have a boyfriend? Because he said he didn’t in the bar, and I’m not trying to cause any problems.” Ryan’s hold had loosened on Buck. He hadn’t even noticed the other man redoing his belt.

Lena frowned deeper, and was getting ready to say something else when Buck cut her off.

“Not a boyfriend, a maybe ex-best friend.”

Lena shook her head. “Ex-best-friend my ass.” Buck hadn’t noticed Lena pulling out her phone until she was clearly not talking to him anymore.

“Eddie? Yeah it’s Lena.”

“Why’d you call him?!” Lena shushed him and waved him off. Buck tried to push off of the wall, and ended up stumbling against Ryan.

Ryan looked bewilderedly between the two of them before helping Buck sit down on the sidewalk. He stared at Buck for a few more minutes before stepping back. “I’m gunna… go. Sorry, Buck for whatever is going on.”

Buck was just left to scowl at Lena.

“Yeah… no I’m fine. I know it’s late, but I don’t have Captain Nash’s number… No, It’s about Buck.”

Lena shot him a look when he tried to get up and he just planted himself back down. L.A. was a filthy city and he didn’t want to be sitting in it. More than that he didn’t want Eddie feeling obligated to take care of him when he didn’t want him around.

“’M fine, Lena. Don’t need him here.”

“He’s drunk off his ass… Like can’t stand on his own drunk… I don’t know but he’s clearly under the impression you’re not his best friend anymore so… I don’t know, Diaz this isn’t my problem… Are you going to come get him or not?”

Lena rolled her eyes again, “Fine, I’ll sit with him until you get here.”

Buck just kept glaring at Lena as she rattled off the address and hung up.

“Wipe that look off your face, Buckley.”

“Why’d you call him? ‘M fine. And a grown man.” Buck was an adult who could make his own decisions.

“Because you’re so fucked up I don’t think you could exactly consent to whatever was about to happen in the middle of the fucking sidewalk.”

Lena sat next to Buck, her legs outstretched in front of her.

Buck looked down at the ground. He knew she was right about that, but it didn’t make him feel any less upset about the fact that she didn’t ask him what he wanted to do about it.

“You could’ve just let me take an Uber home.”

“With the stories I’ve been hearing about that? Hell no. I had to spend months listening to Diaz talk about you, I’m not just going to shove you in a stranger’s car and send you on your way.”

Buck didn’t know what to say to that, so he just kept silent.

He heard Lena sigh, “Look, Buckley. I would’ve done it for anyone. You know that helping people comes with the job, and it doesn’t get taken off with the uniform. Despite the general opinion of me at the 118, I’m not a terrible person.”

Buck just stared confused at her, “What?”

“I introduced him to street fighting. It helped me, and I thought it’d help him. Now him taking it too far is on him, but I know some of you must blame me.”

Buck shook his head, then paused. “Was mad, not anymore. Eddie’s a big boy, he made his choice.”

“Glad we’re both on the same page. But I still felt guilty for some fucking reason, so by helping you I’m paying him back too. Even though he was a shit friend.”

Buck could stop the chuckle that escaped him. As much as he hadn’t like Bosko, had felt threatened by her, he could admit that at least she was straight to the point. Not many people would look someone’s best friend in the eye and say things so bluntly.

Well. Ex-best friend if Eddie had any say.

Buck leaned into Lena’s side, strangely comforted by her.

“Hey, Lena. Since Eddie hates me now, wanna be my best friend?”

He heard and felt Lena laughing, “I think there’s a few people in line for that title, but we can be friends, Buckley.”

Buck hummed, leaning more heavily onto her. “Jus’ Buck then.”

He let his eyes slip shut, just for a minute. He was starting to get tired, and it felt nice to be this close to another person.

Buck slipped into sleep before he could hear her response.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote part 1 before last weeks episode where we got an actual PT meeting lol. 
> 
> Part two was originally a lot longer, and was the end, but I've decided on a new direction to go so the fic is longer even if the chapter was cut!
> 
> Part Two is in Eddie's POV!!!

Eddie pulled up to the bar thirty minutes after Lena had called. The traffic had been light enough, but Buck was still clear on the other side of town.

He parked his truck and took a few minutes to just breathe. He hadn’t seen his best friend in a week, but with the month that had come before it felt like it had been forever.

He looked out of the window to see Lena glaring at him. He cringed back into his seat. He didn’t know what Buck had told her, but she didn’t look happy with him. Slumped into her side was a person who could only be Buck.

Eddie didn’t know any other grown man who could be so big and try to squeeze himself that small. Eddie had spent many nights with a sleepy or tipsy Buck who tried to squeeze himself under Eddie’s arm while they sat on the couch. It had been funny then, even sweet, but now it just made Eddie’s chest ache.

He finally steeled himself and stepped out, walking closer to the two of them.

“Hey, Bosko.”

“Diaz.” Eddie noticed then that Lena was running her hand over Buck’s hair. It was a comforting motion, and Eddie had to grit his teeth against the fight he wanted to start over it.

“What happened?” Eddie felt himself shifting his weight. He felt too awkward just standing, but there was no way he was going to join them on the ground.

“I should be asking you that. I was on my way to get a drink and I found your boy shit-faced pressed between a wall and some sleaze. Normally I wouldn’t give a fuck what somebody was doing but he looked like he could barely stand, let alone give the go ahead.” He clocked her jaw working for half a second before she continued. “And apparently he’s also under the assumption that you wouldn’t give a fuck what he was up to. He even asked me if I wanted to be his new best friend since his last one was so quick to ditch him.”

Eddie winced, feeling his chest tighten. He knew he’d been distancing himself for Buck, but he didn’t realise just how bad it had gotten until then. He always cared about what Buck was up to. A little too much sometimes, and wasn’t that the problem in the first place?

“I’m sure whatever girl Buck was with wasn’t that bad.” Eddie chose to ignore the last part. He hadn’t spoken to Lena since he’d apologised to her for the way he acted, he hadn’t even known Lena knew who Buck was until then, considering he thought they’d only seen each other a couple times at best, and very briefly.

Lena gave him a weird expression for a second before settling back on her glare. “Missing the point here, Diaz.”

Lena moved to stand up, and Eddie was quick to help her with Buck. Buck was taller than him, but it wasn’t too hard to shoulder his weight. Together they silently moved Buck into the passenger side of the car, Eddie carefully buckling him in before closing the door.

“Thank you, Lena.”

She rolled her eyes at him, “I didn’t do it for you.”

“I know, but still. I’m glad someone had his back while I didn’t.”

Lena narrowed her eyes at him for a few moments, looking like she was searching for something. “Do me a favour and put my number in his phone.” Eddie didn’t know how Lena even knew he could get into Buck’s phone, but he just nodded anyways. Lena then looked at her own phone screen. “Lucky for me, my date was running late anyways. I’m going to go before she decided to leave.”

Eddie just nodded again and watched her walk inside the bar they were currently in front of. He stood staring at the door she just went through for a moment longer before climbing into the truck and driving off.

The drive back was easy. With Buck asleep, Eddie didn’t have to worry about what he was going to say to him.

Eddie still didn’t know what he was going to say to Buck. Or even if he had any right to say something at all.

Because Eddie was pissed. He hated that Buck was irresponsible enough to go get this drunk by himself. He hadn’t even seen Buck drunk in months. Before the accident definitely. He’d have a couple of drinks maybe, but not like this.

What if something had happened and Lena hadn’t stepped in? What if he had tried to drive home after that and crashed his car? God, Buck had been so _stupid_ tonight.

But did he really have any place to chastise him? Especially with the way he’d been treating Buck lately.

Eddie shoved down that thought, not wanting to think about the reason _why_ he had been doing it.

Eddie parked his truck and walked around to the passenger side to get Buck out. He just barely managed to wrangle him inside, nearly dropping his keys a few times as he tried to balance the taller man.

Eddie just felt lucky that Christopher was at his abuela’s tonight. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if he’d have had to send someone else to get Buck. Or have Christopher see Buck like this.

He knew how much Chris looked up to him, and Eddie didn’t want his son to be disappointed.

Eddie laid Buck on the couch, him being unsure how he could get the man anywhere else, and took off his shoes before going to get a blanket and a bucket.

He placed the blanket over Buck’s still sleeping form and the bucket right next to his head before going to grab a glass of water and a couple of ibuprofens.

Buck was going to have a bitch of a hangover in the morning, and as much as he considered letting Buck suffer as punishment, Eddie knew he wouldn’t be able to handle him being that much in pain.

Eddie stepped into his room, taking out his phone and hoping Abuela was still up. It wasn’t too late, and depending on when she got Chris down, she may just be getting around to watching her shows.

“¿Dime? Mi hijo, is everything okay?” Abuela answered the phone and Eddie could already hear the panic in her voice. He felt bad in that moment for just how much he made her worry.

[Tell me? (A common way of answering the phone) My boy…]

“No, Abuela. Everything’s fine.” Well, depending on your definition of fine. “I just needed to ask if you could keep Christopher a little longer tomorrow. Something came up.”

“Si, I can. Did something happen that you aren’t telling me?” She sounded suspicious and Eddie repressed the sigh he wanted to give.

“Sort of. Buck-“ Eddie cut himself off. Abuela loved Buck. She thought he was a very nice young man and Eddie didn’t want her to think badly of him over a one-time thing. “Buck isn’t feeling well, and I just wanted see how he was feeling in the morning.”

It wasn’t a lie. Buck clearly was not feeling well, and even if he felt a little guilty it wasn’t Abuela’s business just how so.

“Oh querido, should I make him some soup? He doesn’t eat well enough maybe it will help.”

[Oh dear…]

“No, it’ll be fine.”

“Hmmm.” Abuela paused on the other side of the phone. “Si, vale. I will watch him no es un problema. Just tell Buck I said hi and make sure he’s okay.”

[… Yeah, okay… it’s not a problem.

“Gracias, Abuela. I will. Te quiero.”

[Thanks… I love you.}

“Te quiero. Adios.”

“Adios. Buenas noches.”

[I love you. Bye.]

[Bye. Good night.”

Eddie hung up his phone and changed into his pyjamas before grabbing his blanket and slinking out to the living room. Looks like Eddie was spending the night in his red chair.

…

Eddie heard a groan coming from his living room and knew that Buck had finally woken up. He gave the man an even five minutes before he tentatively walked in, a second cup of coffee in his hand for Buck, just how he liked it.

Buck was sitting hunched over on the couch now, his head resting in his hands. Eddie carefully sat the other mug down and sat on the opposite side of the couch, staring at Buck for a few more moments.

“Do you wanna talk about what happened last night?” Eddie kept his voice low and even, keeping the judgement out of his voice even if he was so pissed at Buck for being stupid.

“You wanna talk about what’s been happening the past month?”

Eddie pressed his lips together tightly. No, he didn’t. And he wasn’t sure if Buck really wanted to know either, at least he wouldn’t if he knew.

Buck scoffed after Eddie had stayed quiet for too long, “That’s what I thought.” Buck dropped his hands finally, picking up the mug of coffee and swallowing the whole thing in a few gulps. Eddie was sure Buck had just burnt his whole mouth, and if the hiss Buck let out after was and indication, he was right.

“Thanks for picking me up last night. See you at the station.”

Buck stood up and made his way to the door, and that’s when Eddie noticed Buck already had his shoes back on.

Eddie scrambled off of the couch, reaching out to grab Buck’s arm and stop him, “Buck, wait-“

Buck jerked out of his grasp and whipped around towards him. “For what, Eddie? What do you want me to wait for? More awkward silence? For you to tell me whatever it was that I’ve done to make you hate me all of a sudden?” All Eddie could do was blink as Buck stepped into his space, “I thought we agreed to talk things out, Eddie! That being best friends was important enough for us to try to work shit out with each other.”

Eddie felt a tightening in his chest, “It is. Buck, I promise your friendship is one of the most important things in my life-“

“You have a pretty messed up way of showing it! Was it Chris? I know you don’t want me going to the parent-teacher conference next week. Did I over-step? I thought you didn’t mind me helping out with him?” Eddie clocked the way Buck’s eyes were shining too bright and had to take a step back.

He hated upsetting Buck.

“Buck, you’re perfect with Chris. He loves you.”

“Then what’s the fucking problem!”

And that was the big question wasn’t it? The fact that there wasn’t any problem. At all. Therapy had been helping Eddie deal with his anger issues, Buck had been back in their lives, and perfectly healthy after his last doctor’s appointment. Buck had all but moved in. He helped make Chris’s lunches, picked him up when Eddie was busy, so Carla didn’t have to do it. They spent almost all of their free time together. Every plan made included both of them, no matter what it was.

They had become their own little family without Eddie even realising it. Eddie had fallen in love with Buck without him realising it.

And that terrified Eddie so, so much.

Eddie had woken up on that couch with his arms around Buck and their legs tangled together and had thought about how he wanted that forever. After that, everything in his brain finally aligned for him to get just why that was.

He didn’t know if he could handle that. Buck was one of the most important people in his life. Him and Christopher. The last person he had cared about this much had decided she was better off without him, and then died before they could figure out what was supposed to come after that.

Shannon had managed to leave the same hole in their lives twice, and Buck hadn’t just filled it, he’d flooded their lives with his care and compassion and _love._

But it wasn’t the kind of love Eddie had felt seize up his chest as he thought about just how beautiful Buck looked when he was trying to wake up in the morning. It wasn’t the love that made Eddie realise just how much he couldn’t stand to be a few inches, let alone a few miles from Buck. It wasn’t the kind of love that made him realise just how invested he’d gotten in someone who would leave them both one day.

Buck was single now, yeah. But what would Eddie do when he found some nice girl he wanted to settle down with? Someone Buck would start his own little family with. There would be no more parent teacher conferences, no more living out of each other’s pockets, and certainly no more waking up wrapped around each other.

And it _hurt_. Just thinking about it made Eddie realise just how vulnerable he was to the other man.

Eddie must have been quiet too long because Buck started backing away from him, wiping at his eyes. “That’s what I thought.”

Eddie could only stare as Buck walked out of the house. Away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr about these messes at transbucks. 
> 
> I also started a 9-1-1 Discord server! If you message me I can send you the link, and you don't have to be following me for it either.


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> So sorry this part came so late. I was burnt out from the end of the semester, but I'm back now!

After Buck had stormed out of Eddie’s house, he had gone back to pick up his Jeep and then locked himself in his apartment for the remainder of their time off. He noticed two days after that he had a new contact labelled Lena Bosko and had hesitated for a total of five minutes before his loneliness got to him and he was starting to feel his skin crawl at the silence. Life without the noise of the Diaz household was leaving Buck severely under stimulated.

Lena had agreed to come over the next night and after the first awkward hour where Buck had realised she was practically a stranger they had started playing a video game she brought over and eating too much pizza. Again, Buck really needed to cut back on it.

Buck had realised that Lena was actually fun, and they had a lot in common. Lena had known she wanted to be a firefighter since she was pretty young, and even though her E prescription made it a little harder to build the muscle she needed, she was just as dedicated as Buck was to his workout routine, and he had the aide of his T. They spent five minutes just messing around and comparing biceps before agreeing to workout together when they both had the free time.

Lena was in a similar boat as Buck when it came to the job. She didn’t really have much outside of it, and didn’t talk to her family anymore, so a lot of her free time was spent either with the rest of her station or picking up girls.

By the time Lena left Buck was feeling better. Not back to normal but being around someone who was just so disconnected from everything felt nice. They didn’t even touch on the subject of Eddie the whole night, and Buck was grateful for it, even if by the time he went to bed he was upset about it all over again.

The next evening Chris called him and told him all about the parent-teacher conference that he was apparently too sick to go to. At least that’s what Buck assumed Eddie told him because Chris ended the call with telling Buck he hoped he felt better soon.

He fell asleep crying that night.

He hung out with Lena again the Sunday before the 118 opened back up. She had the day off and they met up at the boxing gym Buck had taught Maddie some moves at and had some good fun. They weren’t too serious about it, mostly because Buck knew Lena spent her free time kicking the shit out of other people and he did not feel like getting his ass handed to him, but the workout was nice.

Buck was beginning to think they’d make good friends.

They agreed to grab a drink the following weekend and each went their own ways.

So by the time he had pulled into the station the next morning, Buck had plenty of time to think about just _why_ he was feeling the way he was and his sad crying had turned back into angry crying.

If Eddie decided Buck wasn’t a part of his life anymore then fine, Buck could pretend he didn’t want to be in his life either.

“Hey, Buckaroo.”

Buck turned to see Hen walking up, already in her uniform, He felt some of his tension dissipate and he returned her bright smile, meeting her just outside the locker room door.

“Hey, Hen. How was your mini-vacay?”

“It was good! The kids were so happy that the both of us were home for two weekends in a row. I could barely get Denny and Nia to leave the beach until they were practically dead on their feet.” Hen’s smile turned fond, and Buck was genuinely happy for her, if anyone deserved a happy little family it was Hen. “What about you, what did you do?”

Buck tried to keep the tension out of his body, “It was alright. I mostly worked on some of those recipe’s Bobby gave me. It was a good 50/50 on which turned out edible.” They both chuckled, “But this last week I actually hung out with Lena Bosko a couple of times, she’s actually really cool.”

Hen looked surprised, “I didn’t think you liked Lena?”

Buck shrugged one of his shoulders, “I didn’t at first, but we ran into each other last weekend, and turns out we have a lot in common. We’re actually getting drinks this weekend-“

Buck was cut off by the sound of a locker being slammed shut. He hadn’t realised they’d had an audience until Eddie stormed out, shoulder checking Buck on his way out.

Hen shot Eddie a look, but Buck had already shut down. It was going to be a long shift.

…

Buck had started avoiding Eddie almost as much as Eddie was avoiding him, and it was definitely rubbing off on the way they worked. There had been so many slip ups between he two of them that never would have happened before.

What was worse was Buck could see every time Eddie got angry, the tick in his jaw and the vein in his neck that always popped when he got worked up, but he wasn’t even yelling at Buck. Not even a glare at him when Buck had accidentally popped a bag of saline all over Eddie while they were working, just a twitch of anger in his face and then he walked away.

It was like Buck didn’t exist.

Buck still talked to Chris if not every day than every other day, but he knew he no longer had a best friend.

Bobby had stopped him that Friday on his way out, calling him into his office before he could make it out the door.

Buck cursed under his breath and walked into the room, bracing himself.

“Yeah, Cap?”

“Buck, what is going on.” Bobby had on his best disappointed Captain face, and Buck felt his shoulders hunch over. He hated that face.

He considered for a moment playing it off, like nothing was happening, but he knew it had gotten out of hand.

“I honestly don’t know, Bobby.”

Bobby looked at him for a moment before gesturing to the seat in front of his desk. “You and Eddie have been messing up on the job. Routine things I know both of you could do in your sleep. If this had been just affecting you two, I would’ve waited until we were outside of work to ask, but I need you both at 100% if we’re going to do this job the right way.”

Buck slumped in his seat, “I know. I just… I don’t know what I did or I’d try to fix it, but- Bobby he won’t even talk to me anymore. It started before the two weeks off, and I tried asking him, but he wouldn’t even tell me what I had done wrong.” Buck felt the angry tears start to well up again. He’d been good about not crying this week, no matter how much he wanted to.

Buck felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at Bobby.

“I’ll talk to Eddie, Buck. But this has to be resolved. I can’t this kind of unrest in my House again.”

Buck wiped at his eyes and nodded. Bobby squeezed his shoulder and dismissed him after that

Buck arrived at the bar earlier that they had planned to meet. Buck hadn’t bothered to go back to his apartment to change like he had planned originally. He had showered at the 118 and didn’t want to face his empty apartment before he met up. He was trying to have a good time, not spiral.

The place luckily wasn’t too full, and Buck managed to grab them a table in the back corner.

Lena pulled up a few minutes later and waved when she spotted Buck.

“Hey, man.” Lena plopped down into the chair across from him.

“Hi, Lena.” Buck tried to smile at her, but his face wasn’t quite cooperating.

Lena scrunched up her nose sympathetically, “Tough day?”

Buck shrugged, “Just more Eddie problems. It’s starting to bleed over into the job and Bobby isn’t too happy about that.”

“Damn, Diaz is being that stubborn, huh? Has he told you what his problem was yet?”

Buck shook his head, “Nope, he’s gone to full out ignoring me now. Won’t even acknowledge my existence.”

Lena shook her head and rolled her eyes, “I swear that man has a stubborn streak five miles long.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Buck sighed, he didn’t want to think about Eddie anymore that night, “Anyways, how’s that girl you’ve been seeing?”

“Stacey? Pretty good, actually. We accidentally ran into her ex-husband in the middle of our date last weekend though.”

Buck hissed in sympathy, “Ooh, yikes. How’d that go?”

Lena chuckled, “Surprisingly not weird. It was only awkward because he kept thanking me for saving his life.”

The rest of their night went easily, Lena ended up having to go home earlier than planned because she agreed to switch shifts with someone, but they parted with promises to text each other when they got home, and Buck fell into an easy sleep that night.

Buck woke up at 8 AM sharp to a call from a number he had only acquired for emergency purposes and the feeling of his heart leaping out of his chest.

“Isabel? What is it? Is Christopher okay? Where’s Eddie? What happ-“

“Evan- dios mío- I was just calling to see how you were feeling.”

Buck paused for a second, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion, “Wha-?” Buck shook his head, trying to clear away the remnants of panic in his sleep addled brain.

“Edmundo told me you were sick last weekend, and Christopher said you were too sick to go to the conference this week. I wanted to know if there was anything I could do, are you eating enough? You never eat enough, I could bring by some Albóndigas Soup, Christopher loves it when he’s sick.” Isabel sounded exactly like Buck imagined a fretting grandmother would sound, and even though Eddie had lied to her Buck felt a swell of gratitude and affection that this woman he barely knew was willing to make him soup when he wasn’t feeling well.

But he was actually fine, and he wasn’t going to take advantage of the woman’s kindness just because he wanted someone to come take care of him.

“Oh, thank you, Isabel. Ah, I’m actually feeling a lot better though, so I wouldn’t want you to trouble yourself any, I’m sure you have more important things to do.” Buck hated even going along with this lie, but he didn’t want to call Eddie out to his own grandmother. Not that he didn’t deserve it at this point.

“I am old, Evan. Pepa takes care of most things for me these days, and Christopher won’t be coming over until noon.” Buck heard her tut on the other end of the line and couldn’t help the small smile being pulled from his lips.

“Even so, I am in perfect health right now. Thanks for thinking of me though, I- I really appreciate it.” Buck tried to keep his gratitude to a normal level, he didn’t need to unpack _that_ childhood trauma to his ex-best friend’s grandmother.

“Anytime. Mis hijos love you, you might as well be part of the family, and I took care of all the babies when sick too.” Buck didn’t bother correcting her to the fact that he was a nearly thirty-year-old man, and not an ill child, he didn’t think it would matter either way to her. He also didn’t bother informing her that Eddie would rather pretend that Buck didn’t exist, so there obviously wasn’t much love there.

“Yeah, I love them too. Thank you, again.” Buck could say that at least was 100%, he loved the boy’s like they were his own family.

“You’re welcome. I will let you get some more rest, Evan.”

“Alright, enjoy your day with Christopher.”

They hung up quickly after that, Buck being unsure how much longer he could hold on the pretence of him having been sick without spilling the whole situation to the kind woman.

Buck had tried to put it out of his head, going about his day as normally as he could. He still hadn’t quite developed a routine that didn’t involve the Diaz boys, and after he did the little bit of laundry he had and finished washing up the dishes he had left in the sink he was left to watch whatever he could find on Netflix and mope.

He was sprawled across his couch, face pressed into the cushions, and not even focusing on the weird documentary that had popped up when he finally decided he’d had enough of this.

Buck pushed himself off of his couch, slipping his shoes on and grabbing his keys before barely taking a second to lock the door behind him.

Eddie was going to tell him what the problem was or at least tell him he was done with him to his face.

He made it to the house in record time, throwing the Jeep in park and hopping out in the same second. He stomped his way up to the door and didn’t bother making his knocks quiet. Buck would cause a whole scene before he left without _something_.

It took another 45 seconds of Buck pounding on the door before Eddie threw the door open, staring at Buck like he had gone insane.

“Buck, _what-_ “

“Am I interrupting anything? No? Good.” Buck pushed his way passed Eddie easily, the man currently too shocked to stop him. Buck turned around once he had gotten a few feet away from Eddie and just stared at him.

After the shock had worn off it was quickly replaced with all of Eddie’s angry tells. Good, at least Eddie usually talked when he got angry.

“Buck, _what_ are you doing banging down my door at ten o’clock at night. Christopher-“

“Is currently at Isabel’s, most likely asleep.” Buck levelled a look at Eddie, “She called me this morning asking if she could make me some soup and bring it over because she’s somehow convinced that I’ve been too sick to actually come see Christopher for the last two weeks. As a matter of fact, your son is _also_ under the impression that I’ve been sick.” Buck sniffed, “Now, as I’ve been in perfect health since the doctor’s cleared me, I was wondering, now _why_ would they think that? Of course, it could be that my ex best friend has gone out his way to avoid me and keep me out of his son’s life so much that he’s resorted to lying to him _and_ his own grandmother.”

Buck felt the back of his throat get scratchy, and knew he was on the verge of tears. He didn’t wanna cry in front of Eddie, not now, but he wouldn’t shy away from the situation.

Eddie stood silently while Buck spoke, his face twisted up in an emotion Buck couldn’t decipher.

“I’m not trying to keep you away from Chris. I told you I wouldn’t do that.”

Buck scoffed, “Yeah, well you seem to have forgotten that.”

“Buck, you don-.” Eddie had cut himself off, working his jaw for a few seconds, Buck could see the vein again. “You can come see him whenever you want. Whenever you and Bosko aren’t too busy.”

“Lena? What does she have to do with anything? I’ve hung out with her a handful of times, all of them only since my _best friend_ ditched me, and she has her own life.” The _unlike_ me was left unsaid; Buck didn’t want to show just how pathetic he was yet.

“And I would come see him, except that his father is so hell bent on pretending that I don’t exist that I wouldn’t have a chance to ask.” Buck felt himself take half a step forward, “Just, just tell me what I _did_ , Eddie! I don’t even know how I’ve messed up enough to fix it. And I thought you needed time, maybe you were just going through something and you’d tell me what it was eventually, but it’s been too long and-“ Buck’s voice cracked and knew he was getting too worked up, but he couldn’t make himself stop, “If you want me out of your life at least _tell me_ , you didn’t even give me the chance to deal with you being done with me. I could’ve handled it if you had told me point blank to leave you alone, but instead you just ghosted me, just like-…“

_Just like Abby._

Buck’s words hung in the air. He was fairly sure Eddie knew what he was going to say. He wouldn’t guilt Eddie into still being his friend though.

Eddie was silent for half a second before he was stepping closer to Buck.

“I’m not her, Buck. I’m not Abby. I don’t- I’m not- I’m not leaving you, Buck.” Eddie ran his hands over his face, mumbling something under his breath, “I just needed _space_. I couldn’t be around you, I still can’t.”

“ _Why_ , Eddie? I can change, I can do better, whatever it is you need I can do.” Buck pleaded. Now that he knew he had a fraction of a chance, Buck would’ve done whatever it took to get back to how things had been.

“It’s not about you! You can’t just _fix_ this! There’s no fixing this, I’ve tried. But being away from you makes it worse. I never realised how much you had become a part of our lives until you weren’t anymore. You’re always around, you do everything with us. I can’t even make pancakes the way Chris likes them because he’s so used to yours now. Chris asks about you every single day, and it’s not helping with anything. How can I try to end this when my own son is wanting you here!” Buck took a step back from Eddie, feeling his words like a blow.

“So, you want… less of me?” He was around too often, inserting himself into their lives. He’d overstepped like he always did, and now Eddie was sick of him.

Eddie groaned, “No.”

Buck curled in on himself, staring somewhere around Eddie’s feet instead of looking at the other man’s face, “I’m sorry, I never realise I was overstaying my welcome.” Eddie really did want him out of their life then. Not even a little bit of him, he had inserted himself too much and now Eddie couldn’t stand him.

“Buck- no- mierda!” There were hands on his face for a moment, rough thumbs wiping away the wetness on his cheeks, and then he felt something press against his lips.

It took a second for his brain to catch up with the fact the _Eddie_ was kissing him. Actually kissing him.

In the time it took Buck’s brain to catch up with what had happened, Eddie had already pulled back, his face open in panic and starting to step away.

Buck grabbed the front of Eddie’s shirt and pulled him back in. Tilting his face down enough to press their lips together.

He couldn’t think, didn’t want to think about this. Eddie’s hands were cradling his face like he meant something and it was the only thing stopping him from shaking apart at the seams.

Eddie broke away from him and Buck let his lips touch every part of Eddie’s face, he didn’t know how long this would last, but he needed Eddie to realise just how much he meant to him. Even if Eddie didn’t want him around after this, he’d deal with that then.

“Buck? I…”

Buck froze, only moving when Eddie pushed his face back to look at him. Buck watched as Eddie battled some internal war with himself, the little twitches of his face the only visual to the back and forth going on in his head. Buck saw the second Eddie had settled on whatever decision he had been trying to make, and he felt a spike of fear. This was it. This had been a mistake.

Buck started to pull back more, but Eddie’s hold tightened. “I love you, Buck.”

Buck stared for a second, hoping that he hadn’t just had a minor psychotic break and having auditory hallucinations. “What?”

Eddie swallowed, his shoulder’s squaring, “I love you. I couldn’t deal with that, not when the thought of you settling down with some girl and having a couple of kids is too real, but you have to know how much this wasn’t your fault.” He took a deep breath, “And I don’t know how serious things are with Bosko, you said you don’t do casual anymore, but-“

“What does any of this have to do with Lena?”

Buck’s brain had finally caught up with the situation and then promptly got lost again.

Eddie pulled his hands away from Buck’s face, “Look, I know you went on a date last night. I heard you telling Hen about your plans. I know you’re straight and that’s why I tried to avoid you. I’m not used to-“ Eddie waved a hand between them, “this, I’ve never been the ‘fall for the straight boy’ type, and didn’t think I’d start anytime soon. I care about you, Buck. Even without all the other stuff. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you, I lost Shannon and I figured it would be better for me to walk away from you before you could do it to me.”

Buck couldn’t help but laugh, he really couldn’t, “Eddie Diaz there is nothing _straight_ about me.”

Buck saw Eddie’s own confusion as he tried to figure out what was happening, “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m a big ol’ bisexual. And Lena’s a lesbian, how did you not know that?” Buck raised his eyebrow at Eddie. Lena had been friends with Eddie for months before they got her station back up and running.

Eddie at least had the sense to look a little ashamed. “I wasn’t exactly the best of friends to Lena, I didn’t really learn anything about her.”

Buck shook his head, “Well sucks for you because she’s great.”

Eddie looked hesitant for another moment, “So, you’re not…”

“No in a relationship with Lena? Yes.”

Eddie nodded a few times, “Do you think that I could try to convince you to give me a shot? If it doesn’t work out we can be friends again, but Bu-“

Buck cut him off with his own mouth, kissing Eddie thoroughly before pulling back, “I love you too.”

Eddie blinked, “You do?”

“Like, a lot.”

Buck watched as Eddie’s face lit up, and he felt his chest squeeze as he realised just how much he missed that smile.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ll make it up to me.”

Eddie pulled Buck down for another kiss. “For as long as you let me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there may be a little epilogue portion of this, I haven't decided yet.
> 
> As always, come yell at me about these boys over on tumblr @ transbucks!

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @ transbucks!!! Come talk to me about these messes.


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